The first cut didn't really hurt. My god, I thought it would hurt like fuck. Am I so numb to everything? I WANT it to hurt. I want to feel the pain. Have I become so numb to any sensation that I don't even feel the slice of a blade?
It's weird, I am cutting myself and I am watching the blood slide effortlessly down my arm and it's like I'm watching a movie. Am I really here? Is this me? I love the abstract pain. I love watching the blood pour and seep from my wounds. Hurt yourself and then you truly understand who you are. *Please don't ever self harm - it's horrendous - I am writing poetically and honestly - you are too beautiful to ever harm yourself*
I am beautiful. I am splendid. I am Thomas. I want to hurt myself. I want to punish this sad excuse for a human being. I won't though. I will go to bed and dare to dream of jedi Knights and secret agents. I will avoid the blades and fun time knives. Self harm is passionate. I say NO!
Peace be with you. x
{{{hugs}}} and LOVE xxxx
ReplyDeleteThank you. I needed a hug and some love. Do you ever find you have too much emotion, so that you can't seem to process it all properly? That's how I'm feeling at the moment!
ReplyDeletexx
you are loved and precious
ReplyDeleteThank you Anon. I will endeavour to believe that I am. x
ReplyDeleteTom, Thank you for your poetic honisty..it sums up the inner and sometimes daily struggle...but good to know that it's a fight worth fighting and that it can be over come...maybe on a daily basis..but its worth the fight H x
ReplyDelete'Worth the fight'. That sums it up perfectly. It's keeping that in my mind each day. x
ReplyDeletewow those are truly powerful words ...
ReplyDeleteThanks Dennis.
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