The
excitement at first is almost too much to bear.
You experience those electrifying yet excruciating butterflies in your
stomach; your girlfriends are grinning with glee that you have finally got this
opportunity. Will he like me? Will he
want to see me again? Will he be as wonderful as I imagined for all this time?
These thoughts pulsate through your mind and
they almost make you dizzy.
Some of
your friends say he's, "aloof," and there has been rumours that he
hasn't been as charming as he makes out.
You know your friends are simply jealous though because you got a date
with Prince Charming and they didn't. To
you he doesn't seem aloof but simply mysterious; you imagine he's like the
vampire Edward with brooding, deep thoughts and dreams. You imagine that he will hold you and whisper
that he will never let you go. You are
his Bella. He's probably a bit broken
and bruised from being hurt before so is scared to let someone in as they may
hurt him beyond redemption; but you are going to be his saviour; you are going
to be his dream.
There's a
knock at the door and your girlfriends giggle with excitement. They tell you not to "put out" on
the first date and you roll your eyes because you know he won't be like that. You promise to text them later with an
update. As you approach the front door
you can hear your friends upstairs in your room laughing like a herd of hyenas
and you shudder with nerves as you pull the door open.
He's
standing there looking like an angel from above and his car is quietly purring,
inviting you to get in and be taken somewhere exciting and unknown. He doesn't say much and doesn't open the car
door for you, but that's okay because he's probably nervous too. As he speeds
off, your house retreating in the distance (almost calling you back) he mutters
that he has to stop at a mate's house first.
You smirk a little as it means he wants you to meet his friends
already. He must like you more than you
realised.
The house
smells of boys and booze. You crinkle
your nose as it reminds you of your older brother's room. You sit on a dirty sofa after brushing off
cigarette ash. A plastic cup is handed to you.
You ask what it is. "A
proper drink," is the reply from one of the mates. You never caught his name and his eyes are
bloodshot making him look vampiric in an unsettling way. You take a sip and the liquid burns your
throat. You try not to gag as he's
watching your reaction and you realise you need to appear grown up as this is
the drink grown-ups drink. He downs his
and asks if you'd like another. You want
to say no but find you're muttering yes.
He reaches his hand out for your cup so you down the drink and pass the
cup back to him. He leaves the room with
a cloud of blue smoke wafting round him from the dozens of cigarettes smouldering
in the ashtrays.
A mate of
his is sitting next to you and says hello.
You notice his eyes are not on your face and feel momentarily relieved
when your date walks back in. He doesn't
seem to care though that his mate is staring at your breasts and you catch a
fleeting wink to his mate. You have
another drink to calm the growing unease.
This is not the mysterious romance you had envisioned.
You start
to feel a bit funny in your tummy and your head is spinning. You decide to lay your head back to try and
bring the world to a stationary position.
Before you pass out you feel afraid.
When you
wake up you instantly feel dirty. Your
head is groggy and you ache all over. It
takes you a while to work out where you are and you don’t recognise the room.
You experience the growing dread seep through your body like a poison
and you know you have been raped; you know you have been raped by more than one
guy; you vomit all over the floor in utter disgust.
You hear
movement in another room and freeze with fear.
Prince Charming walks into the room and spits out the words, “If you say anything to anyone about last night you’re in the shit. We
recorded you fucking three of us and I know you won’t want your slutty mates to see it.”
You don’t even have any words to respond. This has to be a horrible nightmare; this can’t be real because this type of thing doesn’t happen in real life does it? You want to reach inside your skull and tear
out your brains so you can forget any of this even happened. Prince Charming casually puts on his trainers
and states you have to get out now but only after you clear up the disgusting
mess you’ve made. You obediently clear up the vomit like
Cinderella and find yourself saying sorry.
You’re apologising to the man who
raped you. You feel worthless and utterly degraded. You’re 16 and have no innocence left. You sob.
As you’re scrubbing the floor you remember the press reporting
about a girl being gang raped and how they said it was her fault because she
must’ve led the boys on with what
she was wearing and getting drunk. You
realise people will think you’re a slut who deserved
it. You wonder if you did deserve
it. You wonder if you’ll ever feel clean again.
As you
sob you mumble out for your mum. All you want is your mum to cuddle you and
tell you everything will be okay because you know you’re not a slut and you know that you’re a girl who was abused and degraded and that you need
comfort and someone to wipe away your tears.
Your tears carry on flowing and you wipe them away with the back
of your hand. You vow not to be abused
into silence but with trembling hands you carry on scrubbing the floor. As you stagger out of his house and he slams
the door behind you; you cry out in absolute horror and a passing man catches
you as you faint.
You wake up to see the wonderful face of your mum. You vaguely recognise the man standing next
to her as the guy who caught you when you passed out. He reassures you that everything will be okay
as your mum soothingly strokes your hair.
It will be okay in the end. You
feel sick and disgusting but you refuse to be bullied into silence. You have no words as yet and you find your
voice is hidden, too afraid to utter the horrors of the night.
One day soon though you will speak up and Prince Charming will
face the consequences of what he did to you.
For now though you take comfort in the love of your mum. For now that is all you need.
For now.
