Why I Want to Emigrate

I would love to have affection for England, but find myself resenting it. We're an Island which has little identity. We're a democratic, pretty liberal state that contradicts with rather fascist mentality in many areas of politics and philosophy. But I think it's the, 'this is my bubble' state of mind many have, which irks most. We're not a particularly friendly bunch of people, who are extremely suspicious of gregarious behaviour. It's probably why the best humour comes from the UK, because we truly understand irony. British = ironic.

When I returned from New Zealand it was like having a bucket of ice cold water thrown over me; the harsh difference between England and NZ was shocking. For six months I got so used to walking into a shop and being greeted by a friendly Kiwi, who seemed to enjoy his job. Serving you wasn't a chore. The nightlife in Auckland was fun and relaxed and you would end up chatting with random strangers. Everything was chilled out, with people wanting to help you out.

First couple of days back in England I was confronted by rude shop staff and twatish behaviour on a night out. Welcome 'home.'

That's the thing, I still feel as if NZ is home somehow. I wasn't there long, but it seemed to fit. The lifestyle, people and general atmosphere felt right. I don't feel as if I belong in England. It feels disjointed. Now I know personal circumstances contribute to all this. The past year and a half have been very difficult and unfortunately I see England in a negative light also because of emotionally tough situations.

The tough decisions with emigrating though are the people you leave behind. I have some wonderful friends and family who I rely on so much. But the pull abroad is too great. So, if it all goes to plan, I will be going to Canada in May and hopefully going back to NZ a year after that. Fingers crossed the visa goes through and then bon voyage!

Love and Marriage

I don't dismiss marriage. It still has a very important role in society and hopefully always will. I watched a comedian, who recently got married, talking about how proud he was. He spoke of how different he felt now he was a husband and the difference in how others perceived him. He was at a restaurant and said, "My wife isn't ready to order yet." The waiter suddenly treated them like, "grown-ups."

I know what he means. I had a certain puffed up feeling when mentioning my wife. Even phoning companies on behalf of her would seem to mean people were more willing to talk to you. It was if you were more trustworthy. There was a curious unwritten rule. I was proud to be married to Abi and to have experienced that time with her.

To me though, marriage is a once in a lifetime thing. I don't want to get married again because of this. I said those vows at that moment in time and do not feel they can be repeated. They were for Abi and Abi only. But that is simply how I feel, because I admire those who want to get married again out of love. If Abi gets married again I will be very happy for her.

That's the thing though, I don't want to get married again, but it doesn't change the love and adoration I will give to the girl I love. What Abi and I shared was unique; marriage was a part of that. We went our separate ways and I cherish what we shared.

What I share with the girl I love will be just as sacred and unique. I will love her unconditionally and we will have many moments unique to the two of us. What two people share doesn't have to be cemented in the institution of marriage. It goes deeper than that; it's about loving that person just the way they are. Adoring all their flaws, because it is part of what makes her the girl you are utterly enchated with.

People find it hard to have worth anymore. We're dominated by tabloid sensationalism and unrealistic portrayals of a perfect life through acquisition of material goods. I believe simply in loving someone for who they are and together trying to be the best people we can. Love transcends social expectations. Whether you say vows in a church or to each other quietly in bed, the point is cherishing what you both have.

Love is not an abstract, unrealistic goal. The greatest writers and artists have used Love as their muse and surely they can't be wrong?