What you like to be doing in 2 years time?
Tough question. I would like to be happy and at peace. That's what I would like to be doing - being at peace with myself.
I would like to be loving someone and caring for them. I would like to be waking up each day knowing I have someone lying next to me who loves me and adores me. I would like to be waking up in 2 years feeling a sense of peace and joy at where my life has journeyed to. I would like to be looking at my life and feeling a sensation of pride at where I've come to.
Would I like to no longer be on medication? Not sure. I rely on the pills. The physical act of taking them each day brings a certain feeling of sanity and control. We'll see.
I want to be excited about getting out of bed each day. I long for waking up in the morning and not having a knot in my stomach and an irrational sense of dread about the day. It won't be that bad, but my mind (my Intruder) prods me and niggles at me, telling me today will be a bad day. I want to wake up in 2 years and find my mind urging me to leap out of bed as it will be a wonderful day.
I don't want to be lonely in 2 years. I have wonderful friends and family, BUT I am sitting here in my bedroom writing this feeling a massive amount of loneliness. I want to go outside in the sunshine and have a coffee in the sun with a partner. I want to go downstairs and cook a breakfast for my lover. I don't want to be alone.
In fact, I want all this today. I will have to be patient. I will have to be positive. I will have to grab a coffee in the sun alone for now.
I could have written that :)
ReplyDeleteNot as beautifully and as articulate as that but do I know that...
I know that feeling.
That want.
That desire.
Keep exploring all of this.
Peace ;) xxxx
:)
ReplyDeleteI have these desires so strong to be in that place of contentedness it's hard to be patient.
I will have to be though...
x
In the time of the black dog I was asked two questions.
ReplyDelete1. Do you want to get better?
2. Are you glad you have been through this?
I cannot answer "yes" to the second question yet, but I know I would be a horrible, lesser person without the experience.
You're blog says "yes" to the first question. You are on your way up,Tom
There is amazing light, Peter. I need to keep my eyes on it...
ReplyDelete