Grab this Life

Is this the world we occupy?  Are we really here and living in this strange and complex palace?  Pinch me, because we are possibly riding toward paradise.

You know, so often in this life of ours we have thought things weren't going to get any better and maybe these were the cards we were destined to be dealt.  I don't believe in destiny though, because destiny implies no control.  Destiny implies we don't have a choice and we are on this sad conveyor belt of life where we have to simply sit and accept whatever is thrown at us. No.  I see a future where we decide what path to take and what life we want.

I understand we will be tripped and trodden on.  I understand others will drag us down and try to drain us.  But surely that creates more resolve and ignites that burning fire of passion to work harder to make life the wonderful, beautiful thing we know it can be.  My goodness, this is the only chance we have, why waste it on worry and regret?  Why look back when you can turn your face to the sun of opportunity and joy?

This life is the one shot we have at utter hugeness.  This is your life and, by god, make sure you grab this life with all your might so that your strength is tearing through it.  Why waste time on empty words and hesitation?  We will not be another one who wishes they took that moment when it came.

We will be the ones who embraced the wonder of opportunity to be all we are meant to be.

The Chase

For the past two nights I have been having dreams about being chased.  It is one of those typical dreams where no matter how fast you run, you cannot escape your pursuer.  Your legs feel heavy and laboured and all your movements are sluggish and exaggerated.  You are desperately willing your body to engage and take flight from the dark figure stalking your dreams, but all the will in the world appears useless.

I am waking up disorientated and uneasy; I am feeling on edge and stalked.  Those few moments of not understanding it was just a dream are intense and horrible. The trouble is, I am feeling on edge throughout the day because of the dreams and I am hoping tonight will be a peaceful night.  I am hoping tonight will be dreams of future plans and present love and past achievements.

I have been analysing why I have been having these dreams and wondering if it is my Intruder waving hello.  He is never far away and I do get paranoid he will burst onto the scene in all his macabre glory.  He is under control and I have a small smattering of dark incidents over the past two years to smudge a rather clean and wonderfully positive time in my life.

But.

He doesn't adhere to my rules.  He adheres to his own chaos and dystopia.

Thankfully, I am stronger and more stable; I am wiser and more aware; I am loved and in love.

Ultimately, my Intruder can only do as much damage as I allow him.  He can only chase me as long as I keep running and don't turn and face him.  It is my life, my control and my destiny.

Peace.  x

My Darling, My Lover, My Friend

My darling, you are my world, my friend, my lover, my everything.  Each day is a beginning so we have no fear of an end.  I will endeavor to love you with the utter limits of my strength; you deserve this and so much more.  Words falter from my lips at times when I want to describe what you mean to me, so through these words I hope you will understand.

I hope you will understand that the sun rises and sets with you, because in your light I see the world more clearly.

I hope you understand how in the clearness of what I see I am so completely sure of who I am.  It is true that when you find the one you adore you become so completely sure of who you are and meant to be.  it is like seeing everything in crystal clarity, like you can almost see objects broken down to their tiniest details.  Have you ever looked closely at a drop of water clinging on to a leaf and been amazed at how it is delicately poised?  As you stare at it you can almost see it as if it is living.  Every detail clear and precise.  This is how my emotions are with you.  Clear, precise and true.

My darling, I will strive to be your world, your friend and always be there as your trusted companion.  These words are for you and only you.

My heart is for you and only you.