My mum and dad have been married for 40 years this month. 40 years! They've been in a relationship for over 40 years. They've loved each other, hated each other, been indifferent to each other, tolerated each other.
They've been through bankruptcy, wealth, laughter, sadness, anger, joy, confusion. They've tried to have children and failed, but managed to adopt four children. They have had their house taken away, with only £500 to their name available, but still managed to make a family of six survive and be in a place of security and success.
I muse about love and its romanticism. I always will. My mum and dad aren't tactile. We don't hug often. I love to hug and kiss. I need physical interaction. I don't get that from my parents. But, I will always be amazed as to how mum and dad have survived as a couple through all the shit. Dad had a breakdown, he was suicidal. He lived in his office for months (literally) whilst we lived in another house. Mum never left him though; mum always had faith in him. They are a rock of a relationship. It's not pretty or romantic. It's not rose tinted. It's gritty, real and rather un-inspiring for the likes of us romantics.
It's grounded and rock-like though. It's stable and unflinching. It's not the relationship I'd ever want but by god, I admire the hell they've gone through.
Their history is etched on their skin and I love them for it.
My folks have been together 36 years!
ReplyDeleteThey didn't marry too quickly, and then waited over 6 years to have children.
They have been through EVERYTHING.
My dad being unemployed and us having no money, my illness, my mum losing most of her family, and such.
They are pretty tactile. We are a family of huggers.
I am very tactile. I always have been (apart from when I was very ill)
Human touch and contact is what keeps me breathing.
Without it I don't exist. I need it. And it is my biggest need.
I admire the longevity of my parents marriage.
My grandparents, married for 65 years (my grandma dies on the day of their 65th wedding anniversary) and had been together for around 70 years.
That to me is true and real.
It is what a relationship is to me.
You go through EVERYTHING and go through it TOGETHER.
My current issues, are about that 'other' not going through things together.
I honestly don't see the point of a long term loving relationship if you don't go through it together but alone.
Together is together, or maybe that is the romantic in me?
xxxxx
I need human touch too. I love to hug and kiss. I'm like you - it's keeps me breathing. You're right, in a relationship you go through it together. When I was married, we shared every moment and problem. We didn't have separate problems. We muddled through holding each other up.
ReplyDeleteWe're in such an individualistic society where you stand on your own nowadays. I will always fight against that. As will you. :) xx
Love this bro, love this. Just written a response. What a beautiful phrase, 'etched onto their skin'.
ReplyDeleteI am exactly the same, I love human touch and the nitty gritty love that is expressed through human contact. My girls are always getting cuddles and kisses off of me. Sarah and I love holding each other.
I remember being with someone when they died and simply having my hand on theirs.
I remember in India an old man holding my hand as we walked together.
Beautiful.
Stay a romantic Sia Jane! The world needs romantics.
That's the thing, we journey through life and gain physical and emotional etchings. The joy and the sadness combined - which is what makes life so compellingly wonderful. x
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