The Sparkle in My Eyes

I am much more stable and happy. I am not drowning in my own despair, hoping and wishing for the waters of destruction to wash over me and crush the air from my lungs. I am not looking for ways to hurt myself physically and emotionally. I am not nonchalant about my own well-being.

Ten months ago I was indifferent to my own safety. I told my therapist I couldn't care less of something bad happened to me. I was in a position of being harmed by others and harming myself. I was not at peace with Tom and almost viewed me from outside of myself. I saw myself through other eyes; cold and distant eyes; eyes that saw Thomas as an object, not a human. The cold, hard, indifferent stare was rather indifferent to what harm may have befallen me. I had lost the sparkle. BUT, now I have it back:

I have life, love and liberty surging through my veins. I am empowered by a sense of new life, new hope, new expectations. I am not consumed by my Intruder's manipulation. He is still present, but his voice is but a distant whisper. He has been confined to a tiny prison in my mind, where he can rattle the bars and protest, but I will fight against him. He will not be allowed to wander through the corridors of my mind.

There is potential in many areas of my life and I am not defined by a craving for 'success'. I want many things from my life, but I want them because I am passionate about them, not because I seek approval from others. I am living for me and those I love who are around me.

My journey continues.