Important Things in Life

We need to understand that there are some things in life to take seriously and other things we need to let go of.  Being a Western, male, middle class man I am in a very fortunate position; I have money to spend, I can vote and speak out against politicians and corrupt bankers; I can love who I wish and I have little fear of being attacked by domestic or non-domestic people or forces.  In short, I am blessed to have the life I have and be surrounded by my partner, friends and family who love me.

If I was a 31 year old man in Syria right now I would more than likely be dead or maimed and have blood on my hands that would pollute and infest my conscience.  If I was a 31 year old man in North Korea I would be bowing before a statue of their deluded dictator.  If I was a 31 year old man in the Democratic Republic of Congo I would probably have been a soldier from the age of 12 and have killed and raped dozens of people. If I was 31 year old man in Palestine I probably would have seen my family blown to pieces by an Israeli air strike.  If I was a 31 year old man in Afghanistan I would probably be cradling the dead body of my child in my arms owing to an American drone strike.

I am a 31 year old man in England where life is blessed and I must always remember to be  grateful for that freedom and safety of the community I live in.  And this is the thing, we spend too often obsessing over trivialities as if they are hugely significant when, in fact, they are not.  We can latch on to an issue or a minor problem and balloon it to epic proportions because we seem to believe it is almost a matter of life and death.

Carmen and I have neighbours who are like dogs with a bone and have made our lives quite difficult of late because of their incessant obsession;  we have received two official complaints from them regarding our dog and also been verbally accosted by them when getting home from work, which is rather intimidating.  When you mention the word ‘dog’ you think of a large, violent animal but the dog they have so much concern over is a 12 years old Cocker Spaniel.  Fearsome indeed. 

We have never had anyone be but smitten with our dog, Thistle but it seems these two older women do not find her quite so endearing.  It has become rather farcical though because we have been made to feel like we are social morons who have an out of control dog.  Thistle is about as threatening as a small breeze and would lick you to death before she ever bit you. 

Our neighbours’ rather farfetched viewpoints though signify how fortunate they are in life if an old Spaniel is all they have to worry about.   They, like many of us, forget how fortunate in life we are; how utterly blessed we are to be in the position we are in.  I don’t really need to lock my house because crime rates are so low – I do anyway but I don’t need to.  I don’t wake up each day wondering if a drone will obliterate my village; I don’t wake up each day in a shop doorway shivering, smelling and completely dejected; I don’t sell my body and give blow jobs in toilets to pay for a crack addiction. 

It doesn’t mean to say life is a breeze that I sail through – I know what it is to want to die; I know what it is to hate the man I see in the mirror and cut myself hoping the pain will release the sense of loathing I feel; I know what it is to go through heart break and anguish; I know what it is to be scared on how I am going to pay the bills coming through the door; I know what it is to feel constantly depressed and cloaked in darkness where your only comfort is the mental pain thumping at your brain. 

The darkness and despair didn’t magically disappear, it took the love and strength of those close to me, therapy and my own self will to drag my bleeding body out of the pit of hopelessness and into the light of hope.   I had to work for the happiness I now have and work for a balance – with love and empathy from others I was able to achieve it, but it also helped me to appreciate the important things and dismiss the trivial things.  The cliché is true – life is too short. 

Don’t be caught up in things that suck all your energy but have no real meaning or purpose.  Don’t obsess over stuff that really doesn’t matter.  Don’t be consumed by those banal things that we turn into a monster in our own image.  Don’t let your insecurities cause you to fall into the trap of projecting those insecurities on to others and making their life difficult. 

Life can be tough but remember the wonderful things that do fill it and hold on to those.