Prince Charming

The excitement at first is almost too much to bear.  You experience those electrifying yet excruciating butterflies in your stomach; your girlfriends are grinning with glee that you have finally got this opportunity.  Will he like me? Will he want to see me again? Will he be as wonderful as I imagined for all this time? These thoughts pulsate through your mind and  they almost make you dizzy.

Some of your friends say he's, "aloof," and there has been rumours that he hasn't been as charming as he makes out.  You know your friends are simply jealous though because you got a date with Prince Charming and they didn't.  To you he doesn't seem aloof but simply mysterious; you imagine he's like the vampire Edward with brooding, deep thoughts and dreams.  You imagine that he will hold you and whisper that he will never let you go.  You are his Bella.  He's probably a bit broken and bruised from being hurt before so is scared to let someone in as they may hurt him beyond redemption; but you are going to be his saviour; you are going to be his dream.

There's a knock at the door and your girlfriends giggle with excitement.  They tell you not to "put out" on the first date and you roll your eyes because you know he won't be like that.  You promise to text them later with an update.  As you approach the front door you can hear your friends upstairs in your room laughing like a herd of hyenas and you shudder with nerves as you pull the door open.

He's standing there looking like an angel from above and his car is quietly purring, inviting you to get in and be taken somewhere exciting and unknown.  He doesn't say much and doesn't open the car door for you, but that's okay because he's probably nervous too. As he speeds off, your house retreating in the distance (almost calling you back) he mutters that he has to stop at a mate's house first.  You smirk a little as it means he wants you to meet his friends already.  He must like you more than you realised. 

The house smells of boys and booze.  You crinkle your nose as it reminds you of your older brother's room.  You sit on a dirty sofa after brushing off cigarette ash. A plastic cup is handed to you.  You ask what it is.  "A proper drink," is the reply from one of the mates.   You never caught his name and his eyes are bloodshot making him look vampiric in an unsettling way.  You take a sip and the liquid burns your throat.  You try not to gag as he's watching your reaction and you realise you need to appear grown up as this is the drink grown-ups drink.  He downs his and asks if you'd like another.  You want to say no but find you're muttering yes.  He reaches his hand out for your cup so you down the drink and pass the cup back to him.  He leaves the room with a cloud of blue smoke wafting round him from the dozens of cigarettes smouldering in the ashtrays. 

A mate of his is sitting next to you and says hello.  You notice his eyes are not on your face and feel momentarily relieved when your date walks back in.  He doesn't seem to care though that his mate is staring at your breasts and you catch a fleeting wink to his mate.  You have another drink to calm the growing unease.  This is not the mysterious romance you had envisioned. 

You start to feel a bit funny in your tummy and your head is spinning.  You decide to lay your head back to try and bring the world to a stationary position.  Before you pass out you feel afraid.

When you wake up you instantly feel dirty.  Your head is groggy and you ache all over.  It takes you a while to work out where you are and you don’t recognise the room.  You experience the growing dread seep through your body like a poison and you know you have been raped; you know you have been raped by more than one guy; you vomit all over the floor in utter disgust.

You hear movement in another room and freeze with fear.  Prince Charming walks into the room and spits out the words, “If you say anything to anyone about last night you’re in the shit.  We recorded you fucking three of us and I know you won’t want your slutty mates to see it.”

You don’t even have any words to respond.  This has to be a horrible nightmare; this can’t be real because this type of thing doesn’t happen in real life does it?  You want to reach inside your skull and tear out your brains so you can forget any of this even happened.  Prince Charming casually puts on his trainers and states you have to get out now but only after you clear up the disgusting mess you’ve made.  You obediently clear up the vomit like Cinderella and find yourself saying sorry.  You’re apologising to the man who raped you. You feel worthless and utterly degraded. You’re 16 and have no innocence left. You sob.

As you’re scrubbing the floor you remember the press reporting about a girl being gang raped and how they said it was her fault because she must’ve led the boys on with what she was wearing and getting drunk.  You realise people will think you’re a slut who deserved it.  You wonder if you did deserve it.  You wonder if you’ll ever feel clean again.

As you sob you mumble out for your mum. All you want is your mum to cuddle you and tell you everything will be okay because you know you’re not a slut and you know that you’re a girl who was abused and degraded and that you need comfort and someone to wipe away your tears.

Your tears carry on flowing and you wipe them away with the back of your hand.  You vow not to be abused into silence but with trembling hands you carry on scrubbing the floor.  As you stagger out of his house and he slams the door behind you; you cry out in absolute horror and a passing man catches you as you faint. 

You wake up to see the wonderful face of your mum.  You vaguely recognise the man standing next to her as the guy who caught you when you passed out.  He reassures you that everything will be okay as your mum soothingly strokes your hair.  It will be okay in the end.  You feel sick and disgusting but you refuse to be bullied into silence.  You have no words as yet and you find your voice is hidden, too afraid to utter the horrors of the night.

One day soon though you will speak up and Prince Charming will face the consequences of what he did to you.  For now though you take comfort in the love of your mum.  For now that is all you need. 

For now.