My Dad

We're not invincible, indestructible or immovable.  Sometimes we can believe there is no fear of falling ill, getting hurt or even dying.  We know it's not true but still imagine we are like Superman and bullets will bounce off us.  For me, some of the thinking that life will keep going and going is through how I perceive my dad.  Dad is 6' 3" with hands like shovels and has worked on the water as an oysterman through high winds, freezing winters, baking summers, recessions, eras of boom and when everything has seemed hopeless.  He has always been this indestructible figure in my life; until now.

I have this vivid memory of Joe, my twin, and I challenging Dad to an arm wrestle.  We were only 10 or 11 at the time and we both wrapped our hands round one of dad's hands (hands like shovels) and said, "Three, two, one, go!" and we couldn't even move his arm.  We were slightly in awe of this strong man who was our dad.  I won't rose-tint my childhood by stating I had this close bond with my dad because I remember him working more than anything else, but I have always loved him deeply and always seen him as this slightly towering figure.

It's not simply his physical presence though because it's his intellectualism too that I have always respected.  I love to learn and I love to read and dad is the same.  Dad is a man who remembers facts and things he has read, even from years ago.  He is a very intelligent man and I have always looked up to that and I like to think my 'success' at academia has been connected to having a clever dad.

I deeply respect this man.

So it has been achingly difficult to see any sort of vulnerability in him because, well, he's dad.  Recently Joe and I went with dad to see the new Bond film as we're all Bond fans.  We had a fun night.  When we were walking back to the car park Dad tripped and fell.  Being a tall man, he fell hard.  Luckily he wasn't hurt but to see him fall like that really shook me and Joe up.  I got home and wept in Carmen's arms.  It was horrible to see dad in a vulnerable state.

So it has been hard as a family (and obviously for dad) having had to see him in hospital recently.  He was in for a few days and is having to have tests to find the root of his illness (which I won't go into here).

Suffice to say, it has struck home that dad isn't immortal and invincible and we have to accept the fact. Even writing that sentence is acutely difficult.  I need to appreciate him more and I also need to appreciate many others around me because life can be far too fleeting and regret is not something I want to have sitting on my shoulder.

Love and appreciate those around you.  Make that phone call; reply to that text; say I love you more often.