The thing is, you can stay where you are and stay at what you're doing. You can stick with how things are and convince yourself that this is how it is meant to be. You can stay with your deluded thoughts that this is as good as it gets.
In many ways I am safe with what I am doing and how I am living. In many ways it is easier this way. But then I see what I could be and become. I see what staying does; it infects you and turns your head from the stars and back to the gutter.
Carmen constantly reminds me that I am not a gutter man but a star man and I must, I should, I can and I will be a star man. It's hard because I have lost so much confidence in what I can be. I feel like the past three years have been a sense of failure and I do look at my life and think I have achieved so little. I have a wonderful girl in my life who loves me and motivates me to strive for that wonderful sense of achievement and happiness that I know I can do. It's hard to see it at times though and the blanket of inky doubt seeps over my mind and I regularly believe I will never get to where I know I can be.
It's easy to think 'this' is it and actually you're kidding yourself to think you'll step beyond what you're currently doing. I dream a lot and I dream a lot of being in a place where I am proud of what I do and have a sense of peace in what I do. I tend to think it is wistful to believe you can wake up in the morning looking forward to the job you do and you will keep reaching higher and higher. I keep losing sight of that dream and wake up anxious and despondent. Carmen keeps giving me a dream slap and reminds me of the person I am - a dreamer with potential.
Don't be fooled into thinking you won't ever get there in what ever you are planning, because we are people of huge potential. We are people who have reached the stars and left the gutter behind.
Peace. x
No comments:
Post a Comment