Damn it. I feel the Intruder scraping at the door. I hear his nails scratching and reminding me that he hasn't gone away and he's still there. He's like a niggling ache. He's like an ulcer under your tongue that you can't help prodding. He's a bad feeling that won't go away.
I'm nowhere near the depths of darkness I was at over a year ago and I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful for the mental strength I have now and the awareness of little triggers that I can confront and push back. Nonetheless, he's prowling like a caged beast, looking for a weakness so he can pounce and I hate it.
Depression is a constant and unrelenting battle that needs strength and deep emotional awareness. It's a weird paradox, because being depressed means you are acutely intelligent about your emotions and are highly intuitive about what it means to 'feel.' It is not a self-serving component of self-pity. It is a brutal reminder of how easily I can sink into scary depths of despair and before I know it I am despising myself and inflicting mental and physical pain on myself.
Each day I must step back and remind myself of the wonderful truths my life has. I am loved. I love. I am loved. I love. I am loved. I love.
I am loved. I love.
It is not repetitive; it is restorative.
The Intruder may want to cause havoc on my life, but I will not allow it because joy and peace are my goals.
Peace. x
No comments:
Post a Comment