Love Drives Out Fear

I believe in you. I don't doubt your ability to overcome those fears and anxieties. I don't doubt your integrity and desire to make things right. They are mistakes after all and I will never judge you; mistakes are not a breach of integrity. I have made many mistakes, but I know in my deepest being that I am still a man of integrity.

You might be gripped by fears and doubts, but those fears are not your master, your keeper, nor your identity. Do not allow the words and actions of others to define you, for what they have done is actually a mark of their insecurities, not yours. We are in a world of fear; open the newspaper and you will see. We are told that we will be bombed, mugged, raped, stolen from, deceived and walked over every day. We are told the world is falling apart. We are told to be scared. Yes, the world is currently fragile and economies are in strife. Yes, fundamentalists want disrupt harmony and impose their ideals and self-righteousness on us, but have they not throughout history?

The key is to remember that if you love others, respect others and give unconditionally then you are sowing a goodness into the world that drives away fear and loathing. Do not become a pawn of a society which wants to breed fear. Do not become a product of a culture that wants you to live in fear and doubt. Be true to you and stand firm in your belief that love wins.

Peace.

Tom 'The Dreamer'

I've been mulling over where I am in life and what I have achieved.  I've known people to define me as a 'dreamer' and say that I'm a nice guy but ultimately I dream a lot, but nothing ever really happens.  I say a lot but do little.  I think they're right.

Okay, I have a degree, have seen quite a lot of the world and worked in various jobs gaining lots of experience, but I have never achieved the two things I dream of:

Getting published and opening a restaurant.

I need to finish my book and although I'm slowly getting there, I could be getting there much quicker.  I have had the chance to write loads tonight and yet I have barely written anything.  I know my book (so far) is good and definitely publishable, but I need to get myself into gear and finish it.  Is it a case of Tom the dreamer starting something and never finishing it?

I have talked about opening my own restaurant for ten years now and still nothing has happened.  Am I kidding myself?  Am I all talk?  I've been thinking recently that yes I am.

I don't want to get into the trap of living in the horrible void of boredom and banality.  I don't want to be that person who drifts through life without ever facing fears, reaching for dreams and going for something that seems impossible, but does it anyway.

I know the key to it is, quite frankly, me.  It is up to me to get these dreams and thrust them into reality,  It is up to me to turn away from the comfort of familiarity and step forth into the darkness knowing the blinding light of achievement will burst through at any moment.

Peace.

To All the Lovers

I don't know why we live like we do and try to create worlds where everything is perfect.

Our world is not perfect but it is beautiful.  You are my dream.

Take me for who I am am and I will give you a life  of devotion and truth and integrity.

Peace.

The Whole Truth?

I like to feel important; I like to feel appreciated; I like to appear funny and interesting.

Do you?

I know I tell stories and tales and 'edit' them a little, simply to make them funnier or interesting.  The edits are usually tiny; maybe a slightly different word used to the one actually said, or may adding an extra person to the people present when I did this or that, but ultimately the story is true.  The thing is, I'm adjusting the story to increase my importance and popularity (or perceived level of popularity).  Most of the time it's a rather subconscious thing and only after do I even realise I have done it.

Why?  I think it's to feel more important than I really am.  I think it's to elevate my own sense of self.  I think it's entirely human and most of us do it - unless we do absolutely awesome things and don't need to edit the story for entertainment value.

Why do we feel uncomfortable with the reality of ourselves?  Why do we feel the need to sensationalise something?  Is it a fear of rejection, judgement or boring another?  Is it all three?

Take the photo above; it's a beautiful photo in its original but I felt it needed adjusting and 'improving'.  There's nothing wrong with the original, but somehow the edited version 'fits' better.  Maybe our lives are a little like that  - there's nothing wrong with how our lives are but we feel a need to adjust them for the benefit of others so we 'fit' better.

Sometimes I should take a deep breath and realise if people don't like the original then maybe that is down to their perception than my quality as a human.  I 'fit' fine, just the way I am.

Peace.

P.S Here's the original.

What Dreams May Come

I dreamt last night that it was about 18 months ago.  I was in the middle of doing self harm again and my world was collapsing around me.  I woke up in a cold sweat and had to re-orientate myself and find comfort from my surroundings and the girl I love next to me, sleeping peacefully.

It wasn't dreaming about self harming that particularly disturbed me, but my mental state.  In the dream I am confused and crying and unable to put together coherent thoughts.  I am a complete mess and tumbling down a rather dark hole. It was scary.

But, I am no longer self harming; I am no longer in a place of despair; I am no longer drowning in darkness.  I have physical scars and emotional scars, but those scars remind me I am alive and I am healing.

If you have dreams that plunge you into darkness, may you know the comfort of the dawn.
If you are scarred and ashamed of what those scars represent, may you know the soothing presence of healing.
If you are anxious and afraid, may you find peace and the fear driven away.

She

She grins when I lean over and kiss her because the little things are major things.
She bites her lip when she looks at me because she finds me adorable.
She looks over her glasses at me when she mockingly tells me off.
She squeezes my hand when holding it just to let me know she is there.

She is someone who accepts me for who I am and what I have done in the darkness and the light,.  She doesn't condemn or patronise me but accepts me for me.  She adores me because she has a love unconditional and pure and perfect.  Perfect love drives away all fear and I fear nothing when with her.  My only fear would be that I would disappoint her and not be the man I strive to be when with her.

She won't fight with me but will turn away when I try to push her buttons.
She has an opinion I cannot sway and will happily fight her corner.
She doesn't believe in airy fairy love, but hard fought, growing and enduring love.
She likes to be treated and loved but doesn't expect me to be a man who gives gifts out of obligation.

She sees me.

She loves me,

She respects me.

She.