I haven't written about my journey to atheism for a while. Not that I haven't been pondering upon it; it is something I am meditating on each day and wondering what it all means.
I am connected with many interesting and diverse people who are people of faith in God. People who are sure of God being there, guiding them, helping them and loving them. I have met many Christians who have made the idea of Christianity bitter tasting. I have seen their actions and listened to their words and been greatly repulsed by the idea of even believing in God again.
But.
There are those I am connected with who remind me of the great good spirituality does for individuals and also communities. My twin bro is inspiring and I admire the work he is doing in Devon. I love to talk with him about theology and leave pondering on his words.
I met Rob, the new Pastor of West Mersea Free Church, and was very pleased to have met him. He has a really interesting story and am looking forward to more coffee with him and more chats about life and faith from two very different stances. And I was really impressed by his vision of community and how he would like to walk with me as I continue my journey of disbelief.
So, I am far from repulsed by belief in God. I do not reject belief out of anger or resentment. I simply don't believe. C.S. Lewis said he sees God in everything (to paraphrase), whereas I don't see God in everything around me. That's not a pessimistic statement; because I see so much around me which fills me with joy.
Where my journey is now though, is it is journey of disbelief wrapped in contentment. I no longer go to therapy; I am sleeping through the night; I am eating more and putting on weight; I am in love; I am happy.
This sense of peace has come from within, not without. And for the first time in a very long time I feel balanced. I have trudged through the darkness and because of those around me and my utter determination to find peace and joy I have got there.
Now that is a wonderful feeling.
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