The Journey of Depression: Death is not the End

Death is not the End (Part 2)

Being a (former) self harmer and suicide attempter, I can understand why Robin Williams and countless others kill themselves in a state of despair and hopelessness.  When suffering from mental illness the thought of suicide is not a strange and scary thought; it actually provides a lot of comfort.  

Take a moment to think about that - suicide provides comfort. 

The vitriolic and ignorant views that suicide is cowardly, selfish and lazy fail to see the bigger, broader sea that people with depression sail upon.  When rocking in the ever changing sized boat of our minds we are faced with a sea that goes from calm to choppy to rough to monstrous.  Beneath the waves are currents travelling in many directions dragging us one way or another,  It is a loud, chaotic, suffocating and unnerving journey at times.  I wake up some nights soaked from cold sweats owing to dangerous and terrifying dreams.  Sleep does not necessarily provide peace of mind but another part of the day to be confronted by my mind.  When the sea is rough the boat is small, unsafe and scary.  Honestly, there has been times where the whirlwind of my mind has been deafening and death has seemed a very comforting option because of the silence it would bring.

But.

Death is not the final option.  Death is not and doesn't have to be the end.  The mind can be quietened and the sea can be calmed.  It's not easy and it regularly goes wrong but when it goes wrong it doesn't have to mean death is the route to follow.

I have been in the place of wanting death but now I am in the place of wanting life and I will fight to always want life because there is joy, peace and quiet on the sea of life too.  The boat can also drift silently across the glassy pond with the sun on our faces.

We hope for peace.

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