The Hope of Healing

I'm not sure depression is an illness that strictly can be 'cured'. I'm not sure you can be healed and free from the illness. I'm not sure it's that simple. I guess depression is more like a virus (similar to the common cold) in which it can be held at bay but sometimes, even when things have been going so well, it can creep up and knock you back.

I have many, many days feeling normal, whole, happy and healed and long may they continue and that is the hope of healing. That is the hope of wholeness. That is the hope of light pushing back darkness. I think it's possible to go weeks, months and even years feeling rejuvenated and revitalised and therefore believe the cold, steely grip of depression has been escaped. There's always that crappy moment, that difficult conversation, that shit day at work that can be a trigger. Hell, a beautiful song, a touching film or a kind word can be a trigger. It is not the negatives that always invite the Intruder into your mind.

Robin Williams' death highlighted how depression is not an illness to be ignored or taken glibly because it is an active beast sometimes hibernating, sometimes plotting but never truly gone.

There is always hope though because we dare to; there is always hope because we want to. I have spent many days wallowing in my dark thoughts and instability. There is an arrogance that can spring forth from depression and it can too easily be embraced. The hope though is understanding the positive and transformative nature of pushing depression into the shadows and stepping into the scary sunshine.

When I desire an element of healing and wholeness; when I yearn for stability and serenity it impacts those I love too. They see a difference in my eyes – the sparkle not the sadness. They see a genuineness in my smile; they see a pride in my appearance. It brings hope to me and those around me.

I don't want to be cured of depression because I truly believe it is a part of me like the colour of my skin. I also believe depression is, in many ways, my muse. The Intruder helps me write and motivates creativity. It is a dangerous and difficult path and anyone who is creative knows the darkness is close to hand.

A little darkness though magnifies the light.

Peace. x