Being mentally ill isn't a solo show that affects you in a strange vacuum. We are not islands that float through life without impacting others. With every action there is a reaction and when we do something it will have an effect on something or someone.
When I cut myself to hurt myself and see myself bleed, it isn't just me that I'm damaging; I damage those I love too. To stand and look at someone you love bleeding because of self-inflicted wounds is like having been cut yourself. Although there are no physical wounds, there are mental wounds.
I abhor that I hurt those I love; it makes me sick.
Unfortunately, sometimes I do not think far enough ahead about what my actions may mean to others and how it will disturb and upset them. Depression can be like walking through a blizzard; each step is perilous and you are blinded by the immediate. Seeing beyond a few feet is almost impossible and you fail to register anything beyond yourself and battling the storm. Sometimes the storm passes and you wonder how you managed to get through it unscathed, but sometimes you are punished by the storm and get out the other side battered and bleeding.
I have a wonderful girlfriend who will soothe me mentally and physically after the storm, but I should always be aware that she walks the storm with me and comes out the other side battered too. If I fail to remember her sacrifice then all I become is self-indulgent and selfish.
Peace. x
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