She's Worth It

I love the climb to happiness I have come to. I love how I am stable, happy, at ease in my own skin (mostly). I have wanted to be 'happy' for a long time. Not a fleeting sense of happiness, but a deep seated happiness which reveals being content and knowing it will be long term.

But.

I don't believe in my happiness being at the price of others. I don't believe my happiness should come at the expense of others. I don't believe in making others sad, angry and upset so I can feel good.

Being in a new relationship is lovely. It's making me smile a lot. We are at ease with each other. We feel completely relaxed with each other. We love the company we share. We have had to struggle (already) with how other people have handled our new relationship. We have felt a need to justify our relationship to a certain degree. The last thing I want is for our relationship to cause others to have an issue or to feel uncomfortable. I always feel a sense of guilt if I am unintentionally causing another to feel upset in any way because of my actions - even when they are actions of integrity and good will.

I don't believe in the idea that we're 'entitled' to be happy no matter what the cost. We are not an island and should seek to live in harmony with those around us.

But.

I have met someone special who I am looking forward to sharing the journey with and discovering more and more about her and who she is. It is new and exciting and interesting. She is beautiful. She is caring. She is full of integrity and has a wonderfully good heart. There may be others who find our relationship problematic, but it is to do with their insecurities and difficulties - not ours. It is here I see I shouldn't feel guilty for being happy, because I have sought this happiness with good intentions and and an excited heart.

And she's worth it.