Therapy: Searching for Identity

I've been going to therapy for about 18 months. It's been a useful space for me to spill my heart out about my fears, pains, insecurities and so forth. My therapist is a wonderful woman who 'gets me.' I don't know many people who do. I think that's a good thing though.

I struggle with my identity and have done for a long time. I don't really know who I am. I feel very much in limbo when it comes to my life. I have a lot of love to give and feel much more complete when loving someone and they, in turn, love me back. I'm creative and love to speak in public. Ironically, when I was part of the Church, I was doing all this. Ultimately though, I have a very poor opinion of my self and need to drag that opinion to a much more healthy place.

I have a saviour complex, where I want to save others but seem to care little about saving Tom. I guess I don't always see my life as worth saving. I was looking at a picture on a cigarette packet of a cancer ridden lung. It's meant to scare you to see the effects smoking can have on your health. I distinctly remember thinking scare tactics only work on people who actually care about self preservation. Not a healthy view at all.

I feel disconnected from myself and the world is rather fuzzy. My therapist said I should write down a set of questions to answer. Questions you would ask someone you've met for the first time. I will post a set of questions here and then answer them in my next post:

What's your name?
What do you do?
Who are the closest people in your life?
Have you ever been in love?
What would you like to be doing in 2 years time?

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.
Soren Kierkegaard