The season of good tidings and all that nonsense is upon us. I'm rather confused as to whether be excited about it or get a semi-automatic rifle and shoot down all the Christmas lights in the town centre. Don't get me wrong, the excessive spending, causing loan sharks to hover round people's homes; the gorging of food, causing millions of women to cry into their Xmas pudding that they're fat; the dodgy presents which, by now, we have mastered the pleasantly surprised look; the, please cut out my ear drums so I don't have to listen anymore, Christmas music. They all weave their magical wand over this time of year.
Christmas brings so much pressure to have fun and be happy. It causes families to force each other to sit in the same room for 8+ hours, when usually 8+ minutes would cause domestic disturbance reports. I wonder if there is a spike in violent crime on December 25th? If you fear for your own safety on Christmas Day, make sure you slip a valium into everyone's drink, so the day is nicely chilled out.
I don't hate Christmas, but I do find it hard to embrace it. It's a bit like New Year's Eve. When it hits midnight, some people seem to think their lives will magically change. It's a nice thought, but why bother holding out a whole year for things to change? Wishful thinking doesn't tend to have much of an effect on anything. It's like me staring at a picture of Natalie Portman and hoping I will get home one day to find her in lingerie on my bed. Again, there is pressure for January to suddenly be a really positive time of year, when it will be the opposite. Everyone's skint because they bought presents for some unappreciative sod; the weather injects as much positivity as watching Schindler's List and you didn't get that snog at midnight.
I'd say we should approach Christmas with cynicism, so when the day arrives we're pleasantly surprised. After all, if you think it's going to be dire, everything will be a bonus. And you'll actually be amused by the dodgy jumper someone got you and probably wear it on New Year's Eve; because it won't make any difference to your chances of a snog anyway.
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