Real Love

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you – and a stick out handle?”  “REAL isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse – “It’s a thing that happens to you.  When a child loves you for a long, long time – not just to play with – but REALLY loves you, then you become real.”  “Does it hurt?” asked the rabbit.  “Sometimes,” said the skin horse – for he was always truthful “When you are REAL, you don’t mind being hurt.”  “Does it happen all at once, like being wound up” he asked – “or bit by bit?”  “It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the skin horse.  -  “You become.  It takes a long time.  That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily – who sharp edges, or have to be carefully kept.  Generally, by the time you are REAL, – most of your hair has been loved off – your eyes drop out – you get loose in the joints and very shabby.  But these things don’t matter at all, because, once you are REAL you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”  “I suppose you are REAL?” said the Rabbit.  And then he wished he had not said it – for he thought the skin horse might be sensitive – But the skin horse only smiled.  “The Boy’s Uncle made me REAL,” he said.  “That was a great many years ago – but once you are REAL you can’t become unreal again.”   
The Velveteen Rabbit  Margery Williams (1881-1944)

Love is a strange contradiction of being beautifully ugly.  It's not always pretty.  What is wonderful about it is how unconditional love means you are real with that special person.  You have removed your mask and as you love and are loved, more and more of the false pretense is chipped away.  As the falsity is chipped away, you may find other bits of yourself are chipped away too.

But, that is what makes unconditional love so utterly transfixing.  We should always be evolving and adapting to the world around us and in the lives we live.  As we share a journey with another they will hopefully help us to become the person we want to be and can be.  It means facing ugly truths at times and it means parts of ourselves we cling on to are torn from us.  This can create a wound, but from that wound comes healing.  There will be a scar but the scar reminds us of what was once there but no longer is.

I carry scars from the past, but in my current journey with the girl I love these scars remind me of how far I have come and evolved and grown as a person.  I have learnt some difficult truths, but these truths have enabled me to be a better partner, a better man for the woman I love and care for.  I have learnt that in order to truly love, you need complete integrity with yourself.  I used to look in the mirror and hate what I saw, but Carmen, my friends, great therapy and honesty with myself has enabled me to look confidently at my reflection and find peace in what I see.

We are not a finished product.  We are beautifully ugly.