Relapse of Depression

Depression is not having a bad day; it is not being in a mood and waiting to get out of it.  Depression is an illness that must be monitored and managed.  It's not like a headache that will eventually go away after taking a couple of pills or lying in a darkened room.  The trouble with depression is that your mind can feel like a dark room and all you want is to experience some light.

My problem is I can grow complacent and believe I'm 'better' (whatever that means) and don't need to pay such close attention to my illness.  I've recently become lax in the regularity I have been taking my medication and when I realised I needed to get back on track it causes problems.

You see, when I miss my medication and then go back on it, it actually causes more severe symptoms of depression as your brain adjusts.  My mistake was to get a bit drunk at the weekend whilst only two days back on to my pills. I can safely say I have almost complete memory loss of that night; the medication mixed with alcohol created a rather obnoxious Tom.

I'm ashamed and I dislike myself for not being more careful, because what it does is not only affect me but others around me.  I'm thankful for loved ones who care for me and support me.

But.

It isn't an illness that has to win or seep its foul stench into my every being.  I, in fact, have the power to control it and not be defined my it.  Stupidity allows the Intruder a way in.  Wisdom allows Tom to be who people know me to be.

Peace.