Worry, worry, worry. It has been a thing which has plagued me in life. It has been a twisted vine round my throat, that has squeezed more as I have tried to fight it. The more I have tried to expel demonic thoughts of worry from my mind, the more it has choked the life from me. I have filled my head with soothing mantras about not worrying about tomorrow, as it looks after itself and worry is simply the fatalistic conclusion of something that hasn't happened yet. No matter what I have done though, I have worried more; I have been in my bed, wide awake and consumed by the horrific knot of worry in my stomach.
I know I ma not alone; we all worry at times and some of us more than others. It has amazed me as to how some people appear unfazed by anything. I know we all wear masks at times and what happens when the door is closed and no-one can see you dramatically differs from outside appearances.
In today's climate of financial difficulties, many of us live hand to mouth and hope, even pray, a bill doesn't come through the door we didn't plan for. Financial concerns have definitely caused more of us to worry more regularly. That, in turn, affects personal relationships; you find you cannot provide emotional awareness of loved ones because your mind is overwhelmed by bills, bank charges and rising living costs. Our greed in the West has truly bitten us in the arse and now we all (well, apart from the elite and protected rich) are feeling the consequences and having to work out what the future will bring.
The trouble is, when you're consumed by worry, long term planning and optimism isn't much of an option, because how can you look beyond when the present is fogging your vision and clouding your judgement? You find the little things in life, which usually bring peace and joy seem trivial and pointless. I'm not simply referring to money worries here, but family problems, work issues, personal struggles. When we are taken over by the niggling, incessant rash of worry, we are left helpless and mentally impotent.
There is always light daringly breaking through though. There is always help smashing through the walls and thrusting a hand out for you to hold on to.
I still worry; but I also keep those soothing philosophies close to hand to stem the tide and potential tsunami of panic. Worry has so often taken over because I have been unwilling to share those worries and seek the calming influence of others. A friend reminded me tonight that when you say something, you give words power and existence. I have worried recently and when I have spoken those words of worry to Carmen, she has eased my fears and calmed my emotions. Not always with wisdom or knowledge, but by simply listening.
Find someone and speak with them. Their attention and time given to you to simply listen lifts the worry and allows the light of day to bring more clarity. You are not a lone traveller.
Peace.
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