Dancing Dust

Do you ever get that tip of your tongue experience where you are trying to recall something and it is tantalisingly close but slightly out of reach?  Do you ever experience the same sensation in other parts of your life?  Do you ever find in those very rare moments of quiet a brief thought, like a whisper in your ear, or a tickling on the back of your neck or a fleeting emotion of "What if?"

We can wander through our existence doing life and all it has to offer and occasionally think we could be doing things a little (or a lot) different.  We are dominated by Hollywood-esque ideology which portrays life as an exciting and soul changing experience or by an Eastenders-esque ideology that paints life as a dreary drama where unless we're arguing or going through trauma then we're not living.  I believe though we get thoughts of 'something more' like dust dancing in the sun light - there for a moment and then gone again.

We all get on with the daily routine and there's nothing wrong with that but I know I occasionally get caught out by feelings of doing more to enhance myself or those around me.  It doesn't need to be world changing, life changing or community changing, but I know that little differences make big differences.  Recently I have been working a lot and not taking the time to appreciate myself, my friends or my beautiful fiancé - it started to take its toll.  Being overworked and overtired meant my mind was overrun with negative, tired emotions and ultimately my depression was able to take a dark, dense grip on me.  I needed the whisper to become a shout to ensure I didn't sink.

Making little changes have made big differences.  Taking time off to recharge.  Carving out time to spend with Carmen.  Concentrating on my appearance again, i.e. new clothes and haircut.  Drinking less alcohol.  Enjoying those things that cultivate my mind, e.g. reading and writing.  All these little things make a big difference in how I process depression and counteract the triggers that lead to bad things.

It also helps me in my imagination and desire to reach the goals I know I can reach.  I believe I have a creative edge to offer and when looking after myself it can evolve into something a little bit unique.

Look after yourself and don't ignore the dancing dust in your mind as it might inspire you to reach for something you've always wanted but been too distracted to go for.

Peace.  x

The Paradox

I am pleasure, I am pain.  I am ecstasy, I am utter despair.  I am balanced, I am anarchy.  I am the journey of faith, I am the void.  I am...

We are a paradox of people who are not constrained by the Daily Mail-esque categories of 'us' and 'them'.  We are paradox of people who will hold a loved one close promising protection, care, safety and gentleness and the next day shouting rage at a driver who cuts us up.  We are a paradox of people who desire peace yet cheer at the screen when a villain dies a horrible death.  We a paradox of people who worship our football heroes one day and scream abuse at them when they fail to live to our expectations.  We are a paradox of people who post pictures of the beauty of nature on our social networks and then throw rubbish out the car window.

We are a paradox.

We live in a world bursting at the seams with the weight of people on its back.  We live in a world groaning at the burden of the waste and shit and war and depravity.

We also live in a world bursting at the seams with love, generosity and kindness.  We live in a world  laughing with joy at the sound of a baby's giggle or a puppy's woof; a grunt of satisfaction after a good meal eaten; a murmur of approval at a fine wine tasted, a satisfied burp after a naughty treat, a tear of emotion during a song we hold dear.

We are a paradox.

So, when we make a snap judgement about someone, remember that they, like you, are brimming with emotions, confounded by a week, month, year of difficulties and grappling with what it is to be a human who is a paradox.

Peace.  x