Say Something

This song by A Great Big World is beautiful and wonderfully captures the heart wrenching moment when you realise the person you are fighting for will never be a part of your life anymore.  It could be the silence or the lack of rhythm you both share.  It's a difficult and gut churning place to be in when you see the person you desire slip through your fingers like dust.  Ultimately I love this song because it captures (quite sublimely) how we are a people in a forever confusing dance of love that never ends (or begins) the way we romantically perceive.

The path of love never ran smooth.

With music, art and writing though, we can always take different meanings which relate to how we feel and are currently viewing the world and I felt a huge emotional outpouring listening to this song in relation to my (former) relationship with God.

Say something I'm giving up on you...

These lyrics instantly made me think of prayer and the depths of darkness I was entwined by and how I cried out to god to take the pain away - and how I was met with silence.  I urged god to talk to me and sooth me and heal me and comfort me and all I experienced was...

Silence

Emptiness

Darkness

Abyss

I so wished for God to be a vocal and real presence in my life - I felt I gave my everything to Him when I was His devoted follower, yet the silence was far too loud and depressing.  I prayed with vigour, read the Bible everyday and urged others to join in the journey of faith.  Yet I was finally met with a sad disillusionment and utter emptiness.  I realise now that I went through extreme grief when I came to a place of disbelief.  I grieved God and I do grieve him now.  I was passionate about Him and I fought for the person of Jesus.

I have a twin who is a passionate believer in the one they call the Christ and I know many people who believe there is a God and believe he will be there when they die, but I am left with a choice; be scared of a lack of life after death or embrace this atheism.

I embrace it because I truly believe although this may be the only life we have, it will be a good and loving and passionate and fulfilling life.

If there is a God I am sure He won't hold such feelings against me.

Peace.  x