"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." Oscar Wilde
I remember a really good Friends episode where Phoebe has a boyfriend who is a psychiatrist. He finds Phoebe's chums to be too much to handle because of their need to be categorised. “Define me, define me!” he exclaims sarcastically.
Then watching QI the other night, Jeremy Clarkson commented of his disdain that everything needs a label. Why do we have to label everything, he despairs? It got me thinking about our need to be defined by the external. We can't be comfortable in our own skin.
I do it all the time:
I am an atheist
I suffer from depression
I am on medication
I am in therapy
I was a fundamentalist
I like to be centre of attention
and so on and so forth.
Now none of these are wrong, but it's how I use these statements. Do I use these statements to create a persona for myself, a mask? Ultimately do I compartmentalise myself into one of these statements depending on who I am with?
My therapist is working with me to ensure I am simply Tom wherever I am. Because I do create a persona, usually as a defence mechanism. Humour is the usual route and not long ago someone commented on how different I was in a group setting as opposed to one-to-one. They weren't criticising, simply observing.
I am Tom.
I am Tom.
I am Tom.
We all wear masks and embrace labels at times. But who out there is brave enough to simply be and not stick on a label?
I am Tom.
I am Tom.
I am Tom.
I suppose, upon reflection, labelling is a natural human instinct that's likely been part of our societies since the dawn of the Mesopotamian sun.
ReplyDeleteThey're easy to apply, allow people to treat others with a blanket-approach, less the effort of acceptance or understanding. Labelling requires no energy to commit, no effort to understand. It allows people to make assumptions and judgements in a nice safe group where we can all hold onto one another's tail with our trunks and keep our head down.
I think your post shows that therapy is doing it's job; trusting that you are a good person, and reflecting inwardly you'll work through the clouds in the way of feeling sunny.
Just remember that an end to treatment does not signify an end to the battle, but more that your journey to truly discover yourself has advanced significantly, and you're more stronger than ever before to quell any demons.
Host this reaches you in the manner it's intended.
Thank you Alex.
ReplyDeleteIt's a vulnerable journey though, isn't it? I like to open myself up and reveal me and not the mask; it's when people exploit that, it becomes rather painful.
But you're right, it's reflecting on who I am and reaching positive conclusions... slowly but surely.
Absolutely, the process encompasses shedding the weight from your shoulders, and that includes your armour (Alexander Ward, Mr. Metaphor 2010).
ReplyDeleteYou have to be careful not to be exploited but not sheltered, allow yourself to feel but not be injured. It's a tough gig.
The only advice I can impart is to be a little selfish during these times, remembering that it's not unfair to say "no" or to give yourself time to heal a bit.
The people that understand are the ones that care, and the ones that'll be there when you need them, not just when they need you.
I reckon, stay positive and do good things for good people and it'll help you find yourself along the way. Should I stop preaching now?
Ha! Nothing like a bit of preaching. I've done enough in my life...
ReplyDeleteYeah, it is that balance. Not very good at being balanced though - I'm someone of extremes, so learning moderation. God, how dull, but much safer!
'They're easy to apply, allow people to treat others with a blanket-approach, less the effort of acceptance or understanding. Labelling requires no energy to commit, no effort to understand.'
ReplyDeleteThis is so true. Nice words Al! When's the book coming out? ;0)
It's easy to accept the labels people feed us, the good and the bad.
I think you are far too interesting and unique bro to ever be dull! We love you because you are you. If you ever need an honest reflection look at Grace, and she loves you BIG TIME! :0)