Siren

You think Prince Charming will sweep you away?
Don't be so naïve he's only looking for a lay.
He won't won't ride in and save your life,
He will give you the same worry and strife.
Romeo took his life by his hands
and Juliet followed unable to live alone.
That's not romance but inability to think herself.
The fairytale is but a fleeting dream we try
Muddied by our ability to fake and lie.

Sirens seduced men with their haunting songs,
takings men's souls and trapping their emotions
so that they are driven mad by a deep longing
that will never be fulfilled or made into reality.
Their ironic and passionate love call
simply drove men to a place where they would fall
into intoxicating addiction that would implode their minds.
Oh siren, stop calling my name and taking me into
your dark place where I can never escape you.

I want to crash into your life and save you from
your self and the hurt that makes your mind a storm.
The thunder bolts that impale your consciousness
and muddle your brain into that stupid mess,
I want to take in my hands and mould into peace.
We may be faced with a life only on a short lease,
but why accept this term as interest only or not ours
when we have those moments that were only mine and yours?

A Poem

You think this darkness is a choice?
It burns my brain so I have no voice.
It fucks my brain so it sucks my soul
and throws me into that endless hole.

You think this place of shit is what I want?
Do you know the voices that taunt?
Telling me to end it all and end it now
to cut myself and let the blood run dry.

The image in the mirror is a joke to me
The scars of a life once lived is all I see.
Take this throat and cut it deep and true
because I am just a fucking joke to you.

What, you think this life is a happy thrill?
Look at the pain and hurt around until
you realise we're minute specks of sand
sharing stories and crap which is all rather bland.

Ripping off the Mask

"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." Oscar Wilde

I remember a really good Friends episode where Phoebe has a boyfriend who is a psychiatrist. He finds Phoebe's chums to be too much to handle because of their need to be categorised. “Define me, define me!” he exclaims sarcastically.

Then watching QI the other night, Jeremy Clarkson commented of his disdain that everything needs a label. Why do we have to label everything, he despairs? It got me thinking about our need to be defined by the external. We can't be comfortable in our own skin.

I do it all the time:

I am an atheist
I suffer from depression
I am on medication
I am in therapy
I was a fundamentalist
I like to be centre of attention
and so on and so forth.

Now none of these are wrong, but it's how I use these statements. Do I use these statements to create a persona for myself, a mask? Ultimately do I compartmentalise myself into one of these statements depending on who I am with?

My therapist is working with me to ensure I am simply Tom wherever I am. Because I do create a persona, usually as a defence mechanism. Humour is the usual route and not long ago someone commented on how different I was in a group setting as opposed to one-to-one. They weren't criticising, simply observing.

I am Tom.
I am Tom.
I am Tom.

We all wear masks and embrace labels at times. But who out there is brave enough to simply be and not stick on a label?

I am Tom.
I am Tom.
I am Tom.