No Regrets

"What if a demon were to creep after you one night, in your loneliest loneliness, and say, 'This life which you live must be lived by you once again and innumerable times more; and every pain and joy and thought and sigh must come again to you, all in the same sequence. The eternal hourglass will again and again be turned and you with it, dust of the dust!' Would you throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse that demon? Or would you answer, 'Never have I heard anything more divine'?"
-Friedrich Nietzsche

If that quote is rather depressing to you then you probably know the answer to the question.  I wonder how many of us find regret as an uncomfortable weight on our shoulders?  

Regret can cause irrational decisions and unwise actions; regret ignites the cold, aching sense of fear in the pit of your stomach; regret whispers in your ear that there will be more regret.  I'm not sure it's possible not to have any regrets but I don't believe we need to live where we are controlled by even just one.  

I try to look at my life through the lens of hope and dreams rather than the murky window of 'what if?'  That question leads down a path to nowhere and, ironically, a mindset of caution rather than daring.  It's important to gaze upon the life you are living and breathe in all the little and big blessings.  As you do you suddenly begin to appreciate instead of moan.  As I write this I have a cat and a dog cuddled up next to me, fast asleep and cozy, a soothing folk album is playing in the background, a gently steaming mug of tea is by me, a new Stephen King novel is ready on my Kindle and I have a fiancé soon to be on her way home from work.  A lovely combination.

I could focus on a list of things worrying me or issues that have made me mad recently but, if that Nietzsche demon were to visit me I would not want to re-live my life consumed by resentment and worry but rather optimism and love.  None of us have a perfect existence but, if you're reading this on a computer/phone in a warm building, then you have a pretty good foundation for a fairly decent existence and therefore a choice of hope over nihilism, love over hate, productiveness over procrastination and grace over selfishness.  

Peace.  x 

What Dreams May Come

I wish Ben, the winner of this year's X-Factor, all the best.  I'm sure he's not ignorant to the many shattered dreams of other 'winners' scattered before him as he walks the perilous path set out before him by mogul Simon Cowell.  For all the pomp and pumped fists I don't envy the next 12 months of his life which could either see some of his dreams of being a musician come true or all his nightmares of being another puppet, with his strings cut, horribly take centre stage.

That's the thing about having dreams, you have to handle them with care.  I don't believe big dreamers are vulnerable, vague people; to dream big takes courage.  The dreams they cradle though, they are vulnerable and can evaporate like the images in your mind as you wake.  Just as the images that seemed so real and solid as we slept become frustrating to remember when we wake, so the ambitions and desires we have for our lives can be hard to hold on to and bravery to keep pushing for them, working for them and crying for them must remain.

I dream of being a professional writer.  I dream of being an author of published novels.  I dream that what I write will be appreciated by as many people as possible.  Such dreams take patience though.  I guess the X-Factor saddens me because it upholds the illusion of instant everything.  In a matter of weeks you can go from zero to hero.  Easy.  Sign up and be the star in 2015.  Fame and fortune just around the corner.  Any creative soul with integrity knows that the love you have for music, writing and art usually comes at a price and is far from instant.  I have enough rejection letters to know what it means to be patient.

It's getting a balance with your dreams.  It's daring to dream like a child where anything is possible but having the pragmatism to work your fucking arse off to get there.  I have written a novel whilst working full-time as a restaurant manager.  That's not easy.  It's even harder when you're doing it without any idea as to whether it will even be published.  I did it because I love to write and I love to pour my dreams on to paper.

If you're dreaming of something, keep going.  Do it with integrity though because stepping over others potentially destroys yours and their dreams in the process.

Peace.   x